


Ain't That a Kick in the Face?

by silver_moon_howler



Series: Domestic Gotham because Why Not? [5]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Stephanie Brown, Bruce Wayne is So Done, Creepy Jervis Tetch, Domestic Gotham, Jonathan Crane Being a Jerk, Only in Gotham, Poisoning, Scarecrow's Fear Toxin (DCU), Stephanie Brown is Spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26387245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_moon_howler/pseuds/silver_moon_howler
Summary: How Batman and Scarecrow came to the agreement of no kicking Scarecrow in the face.And how Stephanie Brown realized maybe she better off dying her hair black when it comes to The Mad Hatter. *Or maybe that it's better to punch all creepy men in the face.*
Relationships: Jonathan Crane & Jervis Tetch, Stephanie Brown & Bruce Wayne
Series: Domestic Gotham because Why Not? [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1893412
Comments: 3
Kudos: 45





	Ain't That a Kick in the Face?

"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves  
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:  
All mimsy were the borogoves,  
And the mome raths outgrabe," the Mad Hatter uttered into the dark, his finger flexed around lab cord and he passed the room with a slack face. The Scarecrow watched on vaguely bemused, he chewed the inside of his cheek waiting for the next phase of his plan to occur.  
"Jervis," The Scarecrow called. Hatter looks up, whipping his head up in a way that sends his hat to the ground. The Hatter muttered dumbly, picking his hat off the ground and dusting off imaginary specks of dirt. "Have you finished," the Scarecrow asked. Jervis muttered furiously, his watery eyes searching for some microscopic fallacy to pinch at.  
"Oh dear," he said, "Oh dear, oh dear, Oh, dear Gotham, you end is nigh...I do believe, neither wire nor cord is left awry." The Scarecrow snorted, standing up from his perch to inspect Jervis's handy work, "I do believe you're right, old friend, now...let's get this show on the road." 

Scarecrow pulled a button from his pocket, he comes his fingers through his hair and turned to face the little video camera his Nightmare had strapped to her back. Johnathan cleared his throat,  
"Citizens of Gotham!" He opened his mouth to speak again when a loud boom rocked the ware house's foundations.  
"Crap," Jonathan muttered, "It's the bat," he pulled his gas pump off Nightmare's saddle, "Jervis, get your people ready." Jervis nodded solemnly and shut his eyes tight, summoning forward an army of crudely dressed muscle men all resembling Alice and Wonderland characters. 

"Is that all you've got," A young woman from the shadows taunted. The Scarecrow paused, "...Batgirl?" The woman jumped down from her perch, landing crouched on the flat of her feet. A purple domino mask was practically painted onto her face and a equally purple scarf had been wrapped like a hood around her head. Beside him, Jonathan could feel Jervis still. 

"It's Spoiler, okay? Spoiler." She tossed a writhed rope, tying a goons legs in place. Jervis's breath caught in his throat, he seemed to whimper. Jonathan frowned,  
"Hey, Jervis, are you alright?" The Mad Hatter fell to his knees, taking his hat off and placing it over his heart.  
"My beloved Alice!" Spoiler paused, "Excuse me?" 

The goons stopped their rampage, one by one falling to the ground as if their strings had been snapped.  
"Alice, my beloved, darling girl," Jervis simpered, "I wouldn't dare put a hand atop your golden head, for surely I would rather be dead." Jonathan groaned, "Fuck my life, alright missy put the weapons down or I'll be forced to set of the bomb. It's filled with highly explosive hallucinogenic material and will empty out into the Gotham reservoir." Jervis was crawling toward Spoiler, begging for her to arrest him. 

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Jonathan." The Scarecrow look around, a manic smile spreading on his face, "So the Batman, you've come to finally fight me instead of hiding away letting this little girl do your work?" The Spoiler pulled Jervis to his knees, hitting his knock out button, right in the jaw with her fist.  
"Excuse me, Good Sir," she said, "But what the fresh fuck do you mean by that. I am no little girl," she looked up at the Shadow's, "Am I a little girl?" Batman let out a long suffering sigh, "You certainly behave like one, don't go near him." Spoiler shrugged, "Fine then." Scarecrow opened his mouth to speak when Batman jumped down from the ceiling, connecting the flat of his foot with the Scarecrow's cheek. Jonathan screeched, clawing at the pavement.  
"Son of a bitch that hurt." 

"I'll be driving these two back to Arkham, Spoiler, you can leave." Spoiler shrugged and left. And the car ride(in the bat mobile) was silent, save toward the very end.  
"You know, it doesn't look good for a villains image in Arkham if you come in all bruised up." Batman didn't speak, he just stared at the road. "Now I'm not saying you can't hit me, or kick just...just not in the face, my doctor's getting a bit concerned from my skull." Batman rolled his eyes,  
"You should stop targeting public places like the Gotham Watering reservoir," he looked back at Scarecrow, "Then maybe I’ll consider it.” The Scarecrow frowned, he leaned back in seat and stifled a long suffering sigh to mimic the bat’s. 

“...Fine,” he sighed, “I’ll do it, I’ll only attack...government buildings?” Batman’s grip on the wheel tightened, “I don’t make deals with criminals,” he spat out. The Scarecrow shook his head, a cheeky smile on his face, “Well, it looks like you just did. Deals a deal, I’ll only attack corporate or government buildings with little to no people in it...and banks?” Batman shrunk into his seat wishing he was somewhere nice like London or Singapore.  
"Fine," he spat out, "I won't kick you in the face...but you steal from banks during their open hours. Got it?" The Scarecrow straightened his lapels, drumming his knees “Oh boy, you won’t regret it."

Two weeks later, he would regret it

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Hervis is that one villain that pulled off one heist with his hypnotism and decided he preferred the quote of Arkham, but everyone keeps breaking him out for help. Also, this Mad Hatter is not as attractive (or creepy) as Gotham's Mad Hatter. 
> 
> Stephanie Brown owns Gotham whether you like it not. She and Tim Drake are part of the, longest standing/most criminally under appreciated side kicks that deserve to be their own heroes.


End file.
